In Which I Try to Sell My Soul

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: Hi.
You: how weird is it to talk to random strangers?
Stranger: How weird am I?
Stranger: Ba-dum-tish!
You: lol, nicely done!
Stranger: Yeah... I should start with stand-up.
You: well, it beats working, anyway
Stranger: Haha, you at work?
You: sadly, yes
Stranger: Woah, I feel bad for you.
You: lol, and if you're not at work, i am jealous of you
Stranger: Then... Get ready to become jealos 'cuz I'm at home!
Stranger: Muhaha!
You: Arg! I am literally turning green!
Stranger: I just turned red... But that's because I'm taking a dump.
Stranger: Ba-dum-no?
You: ba-dum-wrong...ha ha
You: so how about that generic sports team?
Stranger: Ha-ha.
Stranger: What generic sports team?
Stranger: Those I just shot?
You: whichever one
You: yes, them!
Stranger: Oh... I have to say... No.
You: no sports team, or no shooting?
Stranger: No sports team... I love shooting.
You: wow...you are the most awesome person I've talked to here ever!
You: and I say that completely seriously
Stranger: Wow, you're at work!
Stranger: And I said that completely seriously as well!
You: blarg, don't remind me :)
Stranger: Dude, YOU'RE AT WORK!
You: ARGH!
Stranger: I just couldn't help myself.
You: If only I were a pirate, then my outbursts would be appropriate
You: as would my cutlass
Stranger: Matey... I have to tell you this... But since you told me not to remind you, I did it anyways 'cuz you told me not to.
Stranger: Woah, you're... At work.
You: Ahhhhhh! Now you've got me weeping uncontrollably
You: and the cap'n's gonna have my head for it
Stranger: Poor thing... Here, let me eat your face!
You: oooh, do be gentle!
Stranger: Never.
You: drat!
You: well, then do what you must do
Stranger: I don't feel like doing it anymore.
You: woot! Best news ever!
You: but you never did tell me where you hid the bodies
Stranger: Why should I?
Stranger: They're my secret.
You: because I said please?
Stranger: No, you didn't.
You: darn, you're right
You: well, please tell me where they're hidden?
Stranger: OK.
Stranger: There are no bodies.
You: awww, that's too bad
Stranger: I ate them, I'm sorry.
You: well, no harm, no foul
You: so I forgive you
Stranger: Good for you.
You: well, it'll make the festival a lot less uncomfortable, so I had to
Stranger: Yeah... I'll be there, and I'll eat your hearts. *puppy eyes*
You: break them and then eat them...same old story!
Stranger: I mean... Just rip them out through the ribcage and eat them.
You: that's fine, as long as you supply the puppies
Stranger: Can I take your heart as well.
Stranger: ?
You: you already have
Stranger: When?
Stranger: How?
Stranger: Why?
You: no time for questions!
Stranger: Why?
You: well, not those ones anyway
Stranger: Oh... So... You're at work.
You: ARG!
You: yes, it appears that I am
You: still
Stranger: Muhah, I called your boss and told him to keep you there for another 3 hours.
Stranger: Sorry.
You: aw, fer the love of....
You: this is just a ploy to keep me talking, isn't it?
Stranger: Nope.
You: then you're just mean :(
Stranger: Nope, I'm not... You like it, don't you!
You: well, I am a masochist, so yeah
Stranger: Good... Wait... Don't you like physical pain?
You: it's the best!
Stranger: But... I only caused mental pain.
You: I can't like both?
Stranger: Nope, chose!
You: well, then I choose physical
You: so you can remind me about work all you'd like
Stranger: Haha, you
Stranger: Are
Stranger: At
Stranger: WORK!
You: Yay!
You: it doesn't hurt any more!
You: wait, I mean darn!
Stranger: It does hurt... Face it, you don't like it!
You: yeah....you're right
You: I'll have to give up the physical pain then
Stranger: Muhaha!
You: I knew it! That was your plan all along!
Stranger: Of course.
You: that's quite nefarious of you
Stranger: Of course it is... I'm the Devil.
You: wonderful!
You: it just so happens I have a soul to sell
Stranger: God already took it, I'm sorry.
You: you'll just need to send me your bank account info, your social security number, and your mother's maiden name
You: he just borrowed it
Stranger: Oh... Well... I don't want your soul.
Stranger: It's worthless to me.
You: it's used, not used up
Stranger: But it still ain't good enough for me.
Stranger: I realised that my army of darkness sucks balls, and you ain't making it any better!
You: that really hurts :(
Stranger: And you like it.
You: well, yes, you have a point there
Stranger: No, I have the edge.
You: no, it's a point
You: on the end of your tail
You: I can see it
Stranger: Well I'm on the edge... Of world domination.
Stranger: Just kidding, I'm on Mirrors Edge.
You: not the Edge that works with Bono?
You: that's a little disappointing, actually
You: well, I'll catch you later, Beelzebub!
You have disconnected.